February 2012
22 posts
Lack Of...
I lack something but I can’t quite place what it is, I can’t put a name on it. It looks like a lack of independence and strength and feels like yearning. But it is not yearning or a deficiency of independence or shortage of strength. It is the monster that lurks and threatens from deep within when we are faced with isolation, however temporary that may be. It is the voice that’s...
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It Is Well With My Soul.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my...
Any day now, any day now, I shall be released.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence.
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
Life goes on, it gets heavy
I need a new day.
Come on now darling let’s shake off these blues.
“I do not think there are ‘strong people’, as of we are predisposed...”
– Mel Yae
For me love is an action. If you love you show up, you love in what you do, what you give, and what you give up. Love is not mere words.
I guess sometimes I feel inadequate. As if I am not capable of showing up and giving and because my words so often fail it feels to me that loving is just a little out of reach sometimes.
The thought of someone loving me used to scare me, and it probably...
Some days break me. I’ve felt a lot of pain and sadness for you lately. Thank you that you do that for me everyday.
You are the reasons I hold on. And I hold on through no strength of my own. If it was by my own strength and for myself I would have been gone a long time ago. But I am slipping, slowly but surely. I’m sorry that it’s like this, and I’m sorry that I am like this and I really hope that you will see what I see. There are no options, well no other viable options. None where you get...
Will we get out of this little hell?
I don’t know how to say I’m not ok. I don’t know how to tell you these thoughts are back. I’d take myself to the hospital if it meant that none of you had to worry but unfortunately it does the opposite. I’m sorry it’s like this and I’m sorry it’s a lose lose situation.
I have a lot to say and I am feeling so much but all I can bring myself to say is that I am so sad. I don’t recall being happy recently. All I ever am now is accepting. Accepting that I am sad and life is sad and nothing will get better. I am lonely. I cannot tell a soul a thing. I have a need to be needed and I am not needed at all. I just want to love and be loved back but no one loves me the...
“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
I need to write because I need to relieve my weak human mind of the flood that engulfs it. I need to spill my thoughts onto paper so that they are vulnerable and exposed and I can see them in the light, where they can still hurt me, but where I can manipulate them into something I can use and understand. I need to distinguish between reality and bitter, hopeful interpretation (the world of the...
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.